There is a funny little ditty by comedian Chigul about an oft disregarded item - the wire in an underwired bra. Basically it says that people who love and support you (wittingly or otherwise) are like the ”iron of my bra”. Here’s the link if you want to check it out - https://youtu.be/D-8OBBZKZD4
The first few times I heard that song, I laughed uncontrollably. I mean, where do these things come from? But she has such a point. I know there’s a lot of debate about wired vs non-wired bras, but there’s a lot to be said for how the underwire performs. Not only does it provide support, the right bra makes “the girls” look damn good and lift any outfit (no pun intended).
I have been blessed in my life to have some true friends. My underwires. My soulmates. See, I believe in the multiplicity of soulmates ... people who you gel with so perfectly - even in the smallest of ways - that it just makes sense. They make sense. You make sense together. Radical? Some might say say so, and certainly not everyone agrees with my opinion here, which is fine. Now I don’t believe that soulmates necessarily represent a love interest, although some are lucky to find their soulmates in the life partners... that’s not what I’m talking about.
I’m talking about the friends who get you enough to let you be yourself. Who know when to push and when to give you space. Who love you so hard, that it takes your breath away. Who know when to gatecrash your pity party and ruin it, and when what you need is someone to party with. One of mine says this to me often - “Love‘s a whole lot, T”.
What does that mean? Let me try to explain. In my book, Karina, Akin is the silent hero. He gets her without seeing to try too hard. He shows up for her, whether she recognises her need for him or not. He has learnt how to be silent with her, and when to nudge. He laughs with her and makes her feel safe. He validates her when she needs it, but is never afraid to call her out on her BS. His ability to communicate with her in silence, and meet her needs without question helps her be comfortable with herself. But I think above all, that where Akin really shines is in his confidence. He’s clearly comfortable in his own skin and is not afraid to be vulnerable with her. You may not find all of this in the book, but when I was developing the characuter, these essential traits were built in. Why? Because I tried to flesh out what “love‘s a lot” looks like to me. I asked many people to describe what that live would look like to them, with no strings attached. I pulled it all together and Akin showed up, with his strong arms, perfect cuddles (yeah, I said that 😁), and general insistence on being himself. The very definition of cool.
Everyone needs an Akin, and I’m grateful to have had mine. Even when we fight. When we don’t speak. When we laugh. Or cry. Or piss each other off. Whatever‘s going on, we know we belong, and that’s good enough for me.